Meeting Ricky Ray

Need I say more...

This was at the Delta yesterday afternoon. I also ran into him at the Double Blue Bash last night... literally, I turned around and he was standing right behind me. That was cool.

Back in the land of the living

And the sun will come back again tomorrow

If you leave and take your sorrow

Stand down at sundown, get yourself gone

From now on

-Matt Mays + El Torpedo, Stand Down at Sundown

No, the monster isn't completely gone, but I feel much better today.

Just like I don't understand why it came, I don't understand why it left either. It's not like anything good has happened in the last 24 hours that would pull me out of the dumps. 

It gradually got better over the last few days - Tuesday, when it started, was a 3 at best on the Sickter scale, whereas yesterday was probably a 5 - and today I don't feel that cloud hanging over me anymore.

I'm not saying I feel great or anything, but I rarely do, so I consider this a victory.

I still have my moments though... last night during the Bruins game, while walking through the concourse to get to the bathroom, I had an anxiety attack like you wouldn't believe. I got claustrophobic in the middle of all those people - and believe me, I'm not claustrophobic - and it felt like my chest was going to explode if I didn't get out of there. By the time I got to the bathroom I was out of breath.

All week I was feeling overwhelmed by the thought of covering the United Way Telethon this weekend - a big event, the kind of thing I'd never covered before - and I was convinced I was going to do a terrible job. But I was just over there for a couple hours and it was fine.

I want to say thanks to my friends, family and co-workers for their support over the last few days... this is an illness that's impossible to understand if you haven't been through it and yet these people gave me their unconditional support. It helped more than you know.

Day 2

If you follow Michael Landsberg on twitter, you know he's got something he calls the Sickter scale, which is an indicator of where your mental health is at.

Yesterday was a 3... or at least last night was. I was miserable. Today was a solid 4... functional but still feeling like there was a dark cloud hanging over me. Thankfully it was my day off, because I'm not sure what it would've been like trying to tackle work.

I stayed in bed for a while, trying to convince myself there was a reason to get up. Eventually I did, if only to move to the couch and continue being unproductive.

As tonight's Bruins game got closer, my chest tightened up and my old friend anxiety went to work. It doesn't make sense, I know. I'm in my sixth season covering the SJHL and it's something I enjoy. If there's anything that should feel comfortable, it's that. But everything is just backwards right now.

Instead of looking forward to covering a junior game for the first time in three weeks, I was trying to muster up the courage to head out the door and face the outside world. I actually thought about not going. After all, there's another game Friday, plus a road game Sunday before next week's issue... I could pull it off with minimal disruption, I told myself.

But eventually I put on my game face, told myself to compartmentalize it and went.

Even during the game it wasn't easy to focus on my job instead of my head, though.

Once the first period was over and I had nothing to do for 15 minutes but think myself into a meltdown, I sent a few texts to a friend. He said exactly the right thing (paraphrasing): You're doing what you've wanted to do your whole life. Take time to see where you are and what you're doing. Relish being at the rink.

It's true, I love what I do and usually thinking about that would be enough to help me snap out of it, but not this time. I tried to take myself to that place and appreciate what I was doing, but it just didn't matter. That's how bad this thing is.

Soon enough, the second period started, then a radio interview thankfully occupied my attention in the second intermission. Even then though, something I usually enjoy doing turned into a source of pressure.

Don't screw it up. Try to pretend like you know what you're talking about. Don't let your mind pull you away somewhere else.

Now, here I am fighting this thing, whatever the hell it is, head-on again.

I don't understand it. I mean, I deal with mental issues on a day-to-day basis. Anxiety, self-loathing and an inferiority complex are things I face every day. I can handle that.

But an actual episode of depression like this, that just hit me out of nowhere? I can't remember the last time this happened... if ever. Sometimes I think I'm imagining it, but coming unglued like this - with no identifiable trigger - is not normal.

I also have no idea when this will end. Hopefully soon.

My brain is waging war against me

My depression comes and goes and manifests itself in different ways, but for the most part I manage to keep it under wraps.

Today I'm not having much success in keeping it at bay. Another reminder that depression is inexplicably random.

I don't know why, but I just feel like I'm on the edge of a breakdown. Like the world is crashing in on me. There's a Leaf game on right now and I'm not even watching it, that's how bad this is.

Why? I have no fricking idea.

I even got some unexpected good news today, that I've been nominated for the Sask Lacrosse Association's media of the year award. And even that isn't enough to drag me out of this funk.

It's the classic impostor syndrome rearing its head... guilt. My brain is telling me I don't deserve to be up for this award, I didn't really do anything, none of the stories I wrote was anything to be proud of. I'm a fraud... give the nomination to someone more deserving.

This is the kind of garbage depression puts you through.

It's been a long, long time since I was depressed like this. Maybe it's just a one-day thing, maybe not. I have no earthly idea why it's happening.

This is why we need to get rid of the stigma surrounding mental illness. It's an illness, not a weakness.

It's not that we can't handle what's coming at us. It's that our brains are trying to kill us. #sicknotweak

This song does a pretty good job of explaining how depression feels:

2013 NHL Mock Draft

For the third straight year, I've decided to put a mock draft on my blog. I look forward to the NHL draft all year and can't wait to see what unfolds over the next few days.

This is just for fun and I'm not running with any inside info here. It's just based on what I know about each player and team tendencies. And even though there will most assuredly be a few pick trades - including possibly the first overall - I'm not going to try to predict those. This is a mock draft, not a top-30 ranking.

I only had four guys right in their actual slot last year: Galchenyuk at 3, Reinhart at 4, Dumba at 7 and Vasilevski at 19. But I got 24 of the 30 players right.

1. Colorado Avalanche - Nathan MacKinnon, C
Sakic says they want a forward. Maybe he's bluffing, maybe he isn't, but let's take him at his word. Barring a trade down with Florida or Tampa, they add a budding superstar to an insanely talented group down the middle.

2. Florida Panthers - Seth Jones, D
Florida really wants MacKinnon and could move up. But they could certainly stand to add a stud to the blueline. If they stay at 2, Jones is the BPA and will bring his tantalizing array of talents to South Beach to join Gudbranson, Kulikov, Petrovic and Matheson in the system.

3. Tampa Bay Lightning - Valeri Nichushkin, RW
I think this is the most intriguing pick in the draft. I honestly believe there's an equal chance of them taking Drouin, Barkov or Nichushkin (maybe even Lindholm), assuming MacKinnon and Jones are the first two picks. Looking at the last two drafts since Al Murray took over their amateur scouting, they've gone heavy on Russians and OHL players. They've also taken mostly bigger guys, and Nichushkin (6'3", 196) fits the bill, as opposed to Drouin (5'10", 186). It's a gutsy pick, but one that could pay off in spades.

4. Nashville Predators - Jonathan Drouin, LW
Drouin is interesting in that he could, conceivably, go anywhere from 1-5 in the draft. The most common guess is that he goes third, but apparently Patrick Roy is super-high on him, and at the other end, Nichushkin and Sasha Barkov are so good that JD could drop. With the fourth pick, the offence-starved Preds jump at the chance to scoop him up. Put him beside Filip Forsberg in a couple years and watch the sparks fly.

5. Carolina Hurricanes - Aleksander Barkov, C
Although the Canes are rumoured to be looking for a D with this pick, either by using it or trading it, they'd be downright crazy to pass up Barkov. The Finnish blue chipper has huge offensive upside, is one of the best all-around players in the draft, a great skater and isn't afraid to use his 6'2", 205 frame to his advantage.

*6. Calgary Flames - Elias Lindholm, C
The Flames have holes everywhere, both on their roster and in the system, so it's strictly BPA here. Luckily for them, they have two tremendous centres to choose from as a cornerstone of their rebuild (the other being Sean Monahan). Lindholm is coming off an excellent season with Brynas (SEL) and some believe he could be the next Peter Forsberg. A terrific all-around scoop for Calgary.

7. Edmonton Oilers - Darnell Nurse, D
The Oilers have a choice here between Monahan and Nurse (with Rasmus Ristolainen and Nikita Zadorov also possibilities). They're actually deeper defensively on the roster and in the system than many realize, but I still wouldn't call it an area of strength. Many want them to take a centre, but between RNH and Gagner (who I think will get signed) plus the likes of Lander, Pitlick and Martindale in the system, I think they're OK there. Nurse gives them size (which he uses very well), excellent skating for a big man, strong offensive potential and and the ability to eat up minutes.

8. Buffalo Sabres - Sean Monahan, C
The Sabres did take Grigorenko and Girgensons last year, but Monahan is too good to pass on. He's not going to win any scoring titles, but he brings an extremely balanced game with good skating, excellent hockey sense and a defensive conscience. He's competitive and not far away from the NHL. He can also play the wing, which could be very useful to Buffalo down the road.

9. New Jersey Devils - Hunter Shinkaruk, C/LW
The Devils' farm system is hurting everywhere and Shinkaruk fills a big void with his scoring prowess and drive to succeed. The Medicine Hat Tigers' captain plays bigger than his 5'10, 181 frame and can be electrifying when he gets going. He brings a complete offensive package to a Devils club that has seen its once-strong forward group begin to crumble. New Jersey is tempted to grab blue chip goalie Zach Fucale here, but taking a goalie this high doesn't often work out.

10. Dallas Stars - Nikita Zadorov, D
Although they have a few strong prospects, the Stars' farm system needs some work everywhere. A tough choice with the likes of Zadorov, Ristolainen, Max Domi, Bo Horvat, Ryan Pulock and Alexander Wennberg available. One of several big defencemen in the first round, Zadorov skates very well and plays a physical game. The 6'4", 200-pound London rearguard uses his reach effectively and has a promising offensive arsenal, including a booming shot.

11. Philadelphia Flyers - Rasmus Ristolainen, D
12. Phoenix Coyotes - Max Domi, C
13. Winnipeg Jets - Anthony Mantha, LW
14. Columbus Blue Jackets - Bo Horvat, C
15. New York Islanders - Zach Fucale, G
16. Buffalo Sabres - Ryan Pulock, D
17. Ottawa Senators - Samuel Morin, D
18. Detroit Red Wings - Mirco Mueller, D
19. Columbus Blue Jackets - Valentin Zykov, LW
20. San Jose Sharks - Alexander Wennberg, C
21. Toronto Maple Leafs - Curtis Lazar, C
*22. Calgary Flames - Josh Morrissey, D
23. Washington Capitals - Andre Burakovsky, LW
24. Vancouver Canucks - Adam Erne, LW
25. Montreal Canadiens - Frederik Gauthier, C
26. Anaheim Ducks - Ryan Hartman, RW
27. Columbus Blue Jackets - Nic Petan, C
*28. Calgary Flames - Kerby Rychel, LW
29. Dallas Stars - Morgan Klimchuk, LW
30. Chicago Blackhawks - Robert Hagg, D

Honourable mention:
Shea Theodore, D; Jason Dickinson, C; J.T. Compher, LW, Madison Bowey, D; Emile Poirier, LW; Jacob De la Rose, C.

*I accept no responsibility if Jay Feaster uses any of his picks to go off the board and take a HUGE SLEEPER PICK from Liechtenstein

A tough anniversary

Today marks two years since my uncle, George, was killed in a motorcycle accident.

George and I always had a special bond. He was a brother to me and he was the one person who always had my back no matter what. He was a hell of a guy: funny, caring, smart, athletic. He always seemed to do the right thing, and in a lot of ways he was my hero.

George had an uncanny ability to connect with people and make them feel valued. He meant the world to a lot of people in Canada and Australia, where he was a teacher for about 15 years. I was overwhelmed when I realized how many co-workers and students were mourning his loss. He left a void that will never be filled.

Although he was 46 when he died, George was a big kid at heart. He was so full of life. That made it even harder to accept he was gone.

It's almost as hard to believe that it's been two years since our lives were turned upside down.

Tragically Hip coming to Estevan

OK, so the music and twitter posts I tried to start doing every week kinda bombed. It turns out I don't have the discipline to do anything regularly on here. So instead I'll just try to throw up a music post every now and then, whenever I think of it or whenever a song hits me as something that should be shared.

The Hip are playing in Estevan on July 8, so in honour of that I thought I'd throw out a few songs that don't quite get the attention or airplay of some of their big hits.

Small Town Bringdown (Tragically Hip - self-titled)

My favourite song from a tremendous debut album that often gets overlooked. And the chorus is, I think, some of their best lyrics ever: 

It's a sad thing

Bourbons all around

To stop that feeling when you're living in a small town

You're long and lean
Things don't get you down
You're a top ten kingpin in the borders of your hometown

Boots or Hearts (Up to Here)

Twist My Arm (Road Apples)

Always been one of my favourite Hip songs...

Three Pistols (Road Apples)

Pigeon Camera (Fully Completely)

Never really discovered this until a few years ago, but it's just a great track. Plus, the background (both the reference to pigeon cameras used in war, and how the song came to be) makes it that much better.

Lionized (Fully Completely)

Great lyrics, simple as that.

Nautical Disaster (Day for Night)

Great song, for a lot of the same reasons I like Pigeon Camera. It's been disputed what the story refers to, but I always think of it being about Dieppe.

I could also list about 10 songs off World Container and We Are the Same. I thought both those albums were grossly underrated. Sure, they're both kind of a departure from earlier Hip, but they both had a lot of great tracks. 

From World Container, I actually really didn't like In View. But others, like The Lonely End of the Rink, Yer Not the Ocean, Family Band, and World Container, were simply great.

We Are the Same is definitely more of a mellow album... but it turns out the Hip do mellow pretty well too (as seen in the title track on Now For Plan A). Songs like Country Day, Morning Moon, Speed River and Coffee Girl are good for certain moods, and at least for me, it's hard not to feel optimistic in general listening to them. I dunno, they just have that effect on me. That's not to mention Love Is a First, which is a great, great song if you ask me.

While I'm here I may as well say that I cannot STAND Ahead By A Century. I never understood why it was so popular. I just don't like it, never have, and it's the only Hip song I will ever skip on a CD.

NHL trade deadline thoughts

It was looking like another slow NHL trade deadline today, but a flurry of moves in the last hour - including a few big ones - changed that in a hurry. Here's what I thought of each move made.

To Tampa Bay: G Ben Bishop
To Ottawa: F Cory Conacher, 4th round pick

Ben Bishop's a promising goalie who finally arrived in the NHL over the past year, and he's a good addition for the Lightning. But I can't believe they gave up Cory Conacher. The diminutive winger is a legitimate Calder Trophy contender and has been lighting it up. Considering Bishop would've been Ottawa's #3 goalie after Anderson gets back, they got a phenomenal return.

To Philly: G Steve Mason
To Columbus: G Michael Leighton, 3rd round pick

Mason simply needed to get out of Columbus, both for his own sake and the team's. It had grown to be somewhat of a toxic situation and with Bobrovsky's play this year, Mason lost the starter's job for good. I'm very surprised they managed to get a third rounder for him, plus a decent backup in Leighton.

To Columbus: RW Marian Gaborik
To NY Rangers: C Derick Brassard, RW Derek Dorsett, D John Moore

This was obviously the big shocker of the day. Columbus was expected to add, not sell, but Gaborik? No one expected them to go after a player of that calibre. I think this is a great deal for both teams. The Jackets have lots of depth up front, but no real star power. Gaborik gives them that, and with guys like Anisimov, Atkinson, Dubinsky, Foligno, Johansen, Calvert, Prospal, etc, they can ice two solid scoring lines. And the Rangers got a great return for a slumping, high-salaried player who had been dropped to the fourth line. While Brassard and Moore were expendable for Columbus, they're good pieces for the Rangers, not to mention Dorsett, who was the most surprising player to move. I know a lot of Columbus fans didn't like the deal for the sole reason of losing Derek.

Ironically, my best friend, who works in the Jackets' front office, is away for personal reasons and didn't know about this. Even he was shocked by the deal when he found out.

Looking at the last two deals, it's funny how things worked out. Last summer, the Jackets traded a star in Rick Nash to the Rangers for a package of three players and a pick. Now they acquire a star from NYR for three players. They're very similar deals, but I would take Anisimov, Dubinsky and Erixon over Brassard, Dorsett and Moore.

Meanwhile, last summer they acquired Bobrovsky from the Flyers for draft picks. Now they send the goalie Bobrovsky stole the starting job from, back to the Flyers for a pick. There's zero question the Jackets won that exchange, as Bob is emerging into a Vezina candidate.

To Minnesota: RW Jason Pominville
To Buffalo: LW Johan Larsson, G Matt Hackett, 1st round pick, 2nd round pick

Another deal I absolutely love for both teams. Pominville is a big-time pickup for the surging Wild, a guy who can put up big numbers and plays an all-around game, and wore the C in Buffalo. He should be a great fit in Minnesota. They paid a huge price, but they could afford to do it because the Wild have built up just a phenomenal group of prospects. Neither Larsson nor Hackett were among their top prospects. They still have the likes of Coyle, Granlund, Zucker, Phillips etc up front, and guys like Brodin and Dumba on the back end, as well as Darcy Kuemper and Johan Gustafsson for goalie prospects. Still, Buffalo hit a home run here.

To Columbus: LW Blake Comeau
To Calgary: 5th round pick

Low-risk, potentially high-reward move by Columbus. Comeau scored 24 goals for the Islanders two years ago and at age 27, I wouldn't be surprised to see him rediscover that form. He'll likely get third line minutes in Columbus. I'm a bit surprised Calgary didn't keep him, give him some of the ice time vacated by Iginla, and see what he could do.

To San Jose: LW Raffi Torres
To Phoenix: 3rd round pick

Torres doesn't need any introduction. Despite the many suspensions and controversial incidents, he can definitely play. I'm not really sure where San Jose is going though, after trading Clowe and Murray but adding Torres and Hannan. I know the former two were pending UFAs, but the Sharks seem a bit directionless right now.

To Toronto: D Ryan O'Byrne
To Colorado: 4th round pick

I felt the Leafs' biggest need was a defensive-minded blueliner, preferably a top four guy. O'Byrne is more of a third pairing guy but he's certainly a stay-at-home type, which is more what Toronto needed than an offensive guy. He fills needs in terms of eating some minutes (19 per game this year), killing penalties (2:32 per game) and just adding some experience and depth. Beyond Phaneuf, the Leafs are a bit inexperienced on the back end, so I like the O'Byrne pickup.

Even more, I like what the Leafs didn't do. Honestly, if not for the length of Roberto Luongo's contract, I would be all for getting him. But it has nine years left, and that's a big burden to take on. It's a big risk. It's just too bad it's not a three or four year deal, as he said today in his presser. As for Kiprusoff, to me he seems like a goalie on a steady decline and anything beyond a platoon and a mentorship role to Reimer would be too much. Not to mention whatever the price might have been.

To Boston: D Wade Redden
To St. Louis: conditional 7th rounder

Similar to the O'Byrne deal, although Redden obviously brings more experience to the table. He's certainly not what he used to be, but you can never have enough D heading into the playoffs. Interesting to see him and Chara on the same team again.

To Anaheim: C Matthew Lombardi
To Phoenix: LW Brandon McMillan

Honestly, I'm surprised Phoenix managed to get McMillan for him. Lombardi was in Toronto last season and, granted, he was coming off a serious concussion, but he really didn't bring much to the table other than his speed.

To New Jersey: RW Steve Sullivan
To Phoenix: 7th rounder

The Coyotes continued to trim the fat, sending the veteran winger (who just played in his 1,000th NHL game) back to the team that drafted him in 1994, before sending him to the Leafs in the Gilmour trade, followed by said Leafs frittering him away for nothing for effing Dmitri Khristich. Ahem... anyway, I can't say I've seen enough of Sullivan lately to say whether he's bringing much to the table, but the minimal return probably answers that.

To Nashville: RW Filip Forsberg
To Washington: RW Martin Erat, C Michael Latta

I'd like to know what George McPhee is smoking. Yes, Erat's a pretty good addition and should help the Caps, but you can't give up a kid like Forsberg for him. Erat isn't THAT much of a difference-maker; he's a second liner with a career high of 58 points. At the very least, if you're going to trade Forsberg, go after a guy like Pominville. Latta seems an average prospect, drafted in the third round and currently in his second AHL season.

I'm not going to do the dumb winners and losers thing, other than to say Columbus was a huge winner. Like I said, the Rangers did get a very good return that will help give them depth, but from the CBJ perspective, Brassard was underachieving and expendable; Dorsett, while a fan favourite and a heart and soul type, is replaceable; and Moore, while he should become a good d-man, is also kind of expendable with the likes of Ryan Murray, Tim Erixon, David Savard, Dalton Prout, Cody Goloubef, etc, also in the system. Columbus also got a great deal on Mason and took a flyer on a decent player in Comeau.

Also, between the Pominville deal today and trading Regehr earlier, Buffalo did an extremely good job of restocking their cupboard with prospects and picks. Kudos to Darcy Regier for that. Getting Hackett from Minnesota also raises the question whether Ryan Miller will be gone this summer and they go with Enroth and Hackett.

Kadri scores hat trick; Sens fan loses it

This is hilarious. Nazem Kadri scored a hat trick in Ottawa last night, and a Sens fan - who appears to be wearing some kind of credentials around his neck - went ballistic.

Not only that, he nearly dumped his beer on the girl beside him.

(You may have to click on the gif for it to work)

Kadri's on an amazing run. I'll be the first to admit I never thought he could be this good, let alone in his first full NHL season (it's a shortened season, but whatever).

The Leafs were patient with him, let him stay in the AHL until he was completely ready, and now are giving him sheltered minutes to help him succeed.

Kadri will have to prove he can still put up these numbers while facing top checking lines, but for now, it's fun to enjoy the ride.

The thing that blows my mind is after last night's game, he's sixth in NHL scoring. He's outscoring the likes of Staal, Getzlaf, Toews, Tavares, etc. (although they haven't played as many games).

Joffrey Lupul has also been on fire since coming back from a broken forearm. In six games since his return, he's scored eight goals and 13 points. It's been fun watching him and Kadri together the last few games.

This quote from Lupul sums it up:

"I've never played at this level before. To be honest, I'm kind of just figuring it out now as I go. I didn't necessarily know I was capable of playing at this level. And now I'm figuring out that I can do a lot of things out there that other guys can't."

How good does that Beauchemin for Lupul and Gardiner trade look now?

The Leafs are a good bet for their first playoff berth since 2004 (99.4% odds according to sportsclubstats.com) but after last year's train wreck down the stretch, I won't breathe easy until they actually clinch.

Still, hard not to dream about a potential first-round matchup against Montreal, which is very  possible. Leafs would have to pass Ottawa (currently tied, Sens have a game in hand) and Boston would have to pass Montreal (three points back with game in hand). But as long as we don't play Boston, I really don't care who it is as long as we get in.

Thursday Top Tweets

It's Thursday, March 7, 2013. Here are your top tweets from the past week:

100% of islanders believe Stompin Tom was "from here". Today we more stubbornly stand by our convictions #sadspuds
— Statistics PEI (@Stats_PEI) March 7, 2013

"Someone roars, Bobby scores!".RIP Stompin' Tom.
— Peter Mansbridge (@petermansbridge) March 7, 2013

With apologies to libertarians, we are pleased to announce the banning of the greeting: "So..enough snow for ya?" #skpoli
— Brad Wall (@PremierBradWall) March 4, 2013

@buckner306 welcome home bitch! twitter.com/Jayebakes/stat…
— Jordan Baker (@Jayebakes) March 5, 2013

My brother @jeffpierson306 thx again el presidenté for an incredible time. Congrats on building new arena so Mötley Crüe could come to town
— Alan May (@MayHockeyCSN) March 2, 2013

@dylansmith101 time to deliver a knock out punch, get it done tonight in the Survivor Series
— Alan May (@MayHockeyCSN) March 6, 2013

@stasher_sk Snow removal was quick but need to get that snow in the middle of the roads taken care of twitter.com/sacky2477/stat…
— Shawn Saxon (@sacky2477) March 6, 2013

Dah deh duh dah deh duh dah deh duh.................. #chelseadagger #favsong
—Strombone (@strombone1) March 7, 2013

*********************************************************************

Meanwhile, the Estevan Bruins knocked out the Kindersley Klippers last night with a 4-1 win in Game 4 of the survivor series. They now move on to play the first-place Yorkton Terriers. That series starts Friday in Yorkton and continues here on Saturday. I'll be making the trip Friday and, as far as I know, for every other game in Yorkton.

For more on last night's game and the upcoming series, read here.

Tuesday Tunes

Here's the second installment of Tuesday Tunes on this hapless website we call my blog.

The Trews - Every Inambition
The Trews' debut album, House of Ill Fame was simply phenomenal from top to bottom and it was pretty much the soundtrack to my first year of university. Every Inambition is one of the best tracks on it.

Japandroids - The House That Heaven Built

I'd heard of the Vancouver rock duo before, but only checked them out last week. I'm glad I did.

Haywire - Bad Bad Boy
A great '80s rock band from Charlottetown. I'm kinda partial to them because they gave me a teddy bear as an infant in the hospital (and also because of the UPEI Panthers sweater one of them wore in this vid).

Thursday Top Tweets

I meant to start this feature last Thursday, but as we've all seen, I can't get my sh*t together with this blog.

Anyway. Every Thursday I'm going to put together about 10 tweets from the past week that I thought were good. Here we go:

Gene, Gene, Gene it is an honour an privilege that KISS would like to play Spectra Place but our concert announcement Monday isn't KISS...
— Spectra Place (@SpectraPlace) February 21, 2013

@rhengs29 @nhlnetwork Lots of great medical professionals out there,go with option #1 Riley.PS,don't forget the #Gauze
— Kevin Weekes (@KevinWeekes) February 27, 2013

OSCAR GLORIOUS, STATE LABORIOUS, CASE NOTORIOUS RT @annetdonahue: "PISTORIUS IS VICTORIOUS" THERE YOU GO, NEWSPAPER PEOPLE
— Bruce Arthur (@bruce_arthur) February 22, 2013

The #100GC champs would like to thank the Academy, Ben Affleck, Jim Barker, Ricky Ray, George Clooney...... #Argo #ArgoS
— Toronto Argonauts (@TorontoArgos) February 25, 2013

Congrats to Scott Milanovich for winning the award for Best Director for Argo #CFL #Argos
— Chris Cuthbert (@CCtsn) February 28, 2013

Maybe Rick DiPietro should have spent some of his time on the IR reading up on guys like Rick Rypien.
— Bruce Arthur (@bruce_arthur) February 28, 2013

"SPEED UP, GRABOVSKI!" - Jason Allison. #tsn
— Down Goes Brown (@DownGoesBrown) February 28, 2013

3 years ago today, Canada's women won Olympic hockey gold. Smoke'em if you got'em ladies.
— Donna Spencer (@DLSpencer10) February 25, 2013

The sea playing with the sand, in Pakistan. twitter.com/Cmdr_Hadfield/…
— Chris Hadfield (@Cmdr_Hadfield) February 28, 2013

If you were ever bullied, watch this.

I just wanted to share this. If you were ever bullied as a kid, or if you've suffered through depression, this is for you. It really resonated with me, and the beauty of it is that so many others who see it will feel the same way.

Tuesday Tunes

So, I started this blog up in January, and after a few initial posts, I've neglected it ever since (other than the mental health post I wrote last week - nearly 300 hits, by the way... thanks for the support).

There are lots of things I could blog about, but I usually forget about them before I think to write a blog post.

So to keep myself disciplined and make sure I keep writing here, the blog is going to have a few weekly features. Just little staples on the same day each week.

The first one is Tuesday Tunes - basically two or three songs I've been listening to a lot that week. I'll try to stay away from mainstream artists so that the blog's four readers get to check out new music.

Be warned, there will be a lot of East Coast music in this thing, and a general focus on Canadian artists. I think the Atlantic Canadian music scene is as good as it's ever been, and there are tons of great artists that people elsewhere probably don't know about.

Joel Plaskett Emergency - Lightning Bolt
This is, in my opinion, the best track on Plaskett's newest album, Scrappy Happiness. Those who follow me on twitter are probably tired of me talking about Scrappy Happiness, but it truly is a terrific album — especially considering Plaskett gave himself one week per song to record, mix and release. Lightning Bolt is a classic six-minute rock out session. It starts out slowly, but the pace quickens as it goes along, with Plaskett's usual random lyrics. The theme is life is short and you should make the most of it, which makes me think of my uncle George. He was killed at age 46 in a motorcycle accident in 2011, but I can't think of anyone who crammed so much life into a short time.

Listen here: Lightning Bolt

Matt Mays and El Torpedo - Terminal Romance
There are so many great songs I could choose from the Nova Scotia rocker (and probably will in the future) but this is as good a selection as any. Another long one off his 2008 album of the same name (which, by the way, is also an excellent album).

Billy Talent - Surprise Surprise
I don't listen to a whole lot of punk rock, but Billy Talent is awesome, and so is this song, the message and the Angry Birds-ish video.

Bell Let's Talk Day

I spent a while mulling over whether I wanted to publish this or not. But... here goes.

Today is Bell Let's Talk Day, an initiative designed to foster a national discussion about mental health, raise money for mental health programs, and encourage people to tell their stories.

This is mine.

I've never been diagnosed with depression or any form of mental illness, but I've felt it at different points in my life, especially during my childhood.

As a kid, I was always the shortest in my class and always one of the smartest, but that often works against you in the schoolyard. I wasn't a jock, I didn't fit into the group of popular kids. I was never cool.

I was bullied at school. Most of the time it wasn't overly extreme. But I was mocked, made fun of, ridiculed. That can really mess you up as a kid and impact the way you carry yourself later in life.

I became insecure, and eventually I learned not to say anything that might get me laughed at. It's not a great way to spend your school days.

It didn't help that I was born with a rare pituitary disorder called panhypopituitarism. The gland was somehow squashed when I was born, which meant it couldn't put out hormones properly. The effects of the disease are wide-ranging. It's complicated to explain, but it's why I'm short, why I can't grow facial hair to save my life, and why my appetite is smaller than most people's, among other things.

The pituitary disease isn't a big deal now as an adult, but as a kid, my mom had to give me an injection of human growth hormone six days a week for 15 years. It's a good way to make your arms constantly sore. Not only that, HGH is a banned steroid in sporting events, so there went my dreams of being in the Olympics one day...

(Speaking of which, a huge shout out goes to the IWK Children's Hospital in Halifax — without their early diagnosis and the care of their doctors and nurses for 15 years, who knows what kind of shape I'd be in right now. They are miracle workers.)

Of course, not many people knew about this, but it still added to my feeling of inadequacy. I wasn't good enough. I was weird, "different". As you grow older, you learn that this is something to be embraced, but as a kid at school, it's an affliction.

Anyway, back to the bullying at school. In junior high, I decided to start fighting back. I got into quite a few fights, and a few more in high school. I didn't always win, but at least I was standing up for myself.

(I'm in no way encouraging kids to fight as a response, I'm saying it's important to stand up for yourself. If you feel like you need to do that with your fists, that's up to you. I'm not passing judgement. And by the way, parents: don't tell your kid to ignore it. It's nearly impossible to do, the bully knows you're trying to do it, and it usually solves nothing. If that's not working, take some real action and go to the school about it. Schools didn't do much about bullying when I was a kid, but it seems like that's beginning to change.)

Toward the end of high school and in university, I started to find myself (for lack of a better term) and developed a lot of new friendships. Because as people get older, they simply don't care that you're different. I had a great time in university and I've become more sure of myself as I've gotten older.

But that insecurity from my childhood definitely crept into my working life in some ways. When I started out with the Kindersley Clarion, if I got a complaint or some criticism, I'd spend the rest of the day thinking about it, maybe more. It got to me. But I quickly got used to it. If you can't handle criticism, it's pretty tough to work in journalism.

I still have some anxiety at times before going to cover events. Sometimes it's there, sometimes it isn't, and it doesn't seem to matter what kind of event it is. I have no idea why this happens, since the vast majority of the events I cover are things I've covered before.

It doesn't make sense... but depression doesn't make sense. That's the point. Depression and mental illness can happen to ANYONE. Whether it's the average office worker, a professional athlete, a CEO making bucketloads of money, it doesn't matter. ANYONE can be afflicted with mental illness. It's pretty much a guarantee that there are people you know who suffer from some form of it in silence.

My dad has bipolar disease, or as it's also known, manic depression. He was diagnosed in his early 20s. It was one of the factors in breaking up my parents' marriage, and it's made the father-son relationship between us challenging at times. But it's never made me think any less of him. You can't control whether you have something like that or not. The good news is he and my stepmother have put together a little program to help him manage the mood swings, and his bipolar doesn't have nearly as much of an impact as it used to. He's got a great support system, and that makes an ENORMOUS difference.

I know some people laugh and make jokes about manic depression. Fortunately, I think that's changing. There shouldn't be any stigma attached to mental illness. It's not something people have control over. They need a support system, not ridicule.

You can help raise money for mental health programs today. For every tweet with the hashtag #BellLetsTalk, or Facebook share of Bell's Let's Talk photo, or texts and long distance calls sent by Bell users, Bell will donate five cents to fund Canadian mental health initiatives. As of this writing, the total number of tweets, Facebook shares, texts and long distance calls was over 33 million. That means more than $1.6 million has already been committed.

Don't feel sorry for me. There are oodles and oodles of people who suffer through worse. My story is just an example of how so many people deal with mental health issues. People you know, people you love. Odds are you don't know anything about it.

So... let's talk.

Judge as you may!

What is believed to be the first three-way trade in the history of the Federal Hockey League was struck this afternoon at Mercury headquarters.

Here are the details of the historic deal:

To Josh Lewis and co-manager who wishes not to be named:
Ondrej Pavelec
2nd round pick (17th overall)
3rd round pick (31st overall)
8th round pick

To Chad Saxon:
Devan Dubnyk
1st round pick (8th overall)
Two 5th round picks

Saxon then flipped the 8th overall pick and Tyler Ennis to Brant Kersey for Thomas Vanek and an 8th round pick.

"It's a bittersweet day," said Lewis, who has already announced that he is taking Mikael Granlund with the first overall pick in tonight's draft.

"Tears well up in my eyes just thinking about the players we could have had at #8... but goaltending is king in this league, and we did what we had to do to shore ours up."

Lewis then left the room sobbing.

Picks in tonight's draft:
1st rounder (#1)
2nd rounder (#15)
2nd rounder (#17)
3rd rounder (#31)
6th rounder (#71)
7th rounder (#85)
8th rounder (#99)
8th rounder (#101)

Fantasy draft #3

Pretty sure I had my best hockey draft yet last night. So many guys taken way later than they should've been. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

12 teams, and it's now a keeper league after this draft took place. I had two 1sts and two 3rds, with no 2nd.

My picks:
4. Jonathan Quick
11. John Tavares
28. Carey Price
35. Jordan Eberle
36. Dustin Byfuglien
45. Alex Pietrangelo
52. Ryan Getzlaf
54. Max Pacioretty
69. Drew Doughty - steal of the draft
76. Pavel Datsyuk - never mind this is the steal of the draft
124. Matt Carle
141. Nail Yakupov
148. David Perron
165. Nick Leddy - steal of the draft #3
172. Mikhail Grabovski
189. Jake Gardiner
196. Derek Stepan
213. Derek Dorsett - NHL PIM leader, come on down.

Three drafts down, one to go. The big one is tomorrow night. I just brought on my best friend, who happens to be an NHL scout (amateur scout... crap), on as my co-manager. We have the first overall pick and another 1st rounder at seventh. We've already decided to take Mikael Granlund first overall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news, a moose has been running around Estevan all day, followed by cops, hunters and Chad Saxon.

Hockey drafts

I'm still mad at the NHL. Really mad. And they're not going to get a penny of my money for a long time. But that's not going to stop me from launching full-bore into hockey pool season.

Two of my leagues were drafting last night at the same time, so I had to juggle both AND talk on Skype with my co-manager in another league about our keepers at the same time.

One of the leagues is entering its third year as a keeper league. With 24 GMs and full 23-man rosters plus prospect slots, it's pretty friggin deep and you have to put your thinking cap on in the later rounds.

(All that and no money involved.)

I'm rebuilding in that one. My keepers were: Luke Adam, Carl Hagelin, Phil Kessel, Kyle Okposo, Matt Read, Mike Richards, Travis Zajac, Jake Gardiner, Andrej Meszaros, Niklas Backstrom and Braden Holtby, along with Jaden Schwartz and David Rundblad for the prospect slots. I've traded Backstrom, Okposo and Rundblad since then.

My draft picks were:

Dave Bolland (4th overall) - yeah, it's deep
Alex Burmistrov (28th overall)
David Savard (52nd)
P-M Bouchard (76)
Simon Despres (100)
Dennis Seidenberg (124)
Gabriel Bourque (148)
Lee Stempniak (172)
Cam Barker (196)
Jordan Caron (220)

The other league is run by my predecessor on the Merc sports desk, known as Brad Brown, Saskawhat or, in one of the all-time great team names in fantasy sports, Dr. Doak. Not a keeper league. 10 teams.

Picks:
Henrik Lundqvist (2nd)
James Neal (19th)
Anze Kopitar (22)
Alex Pietrangelo (39)
Ryan Nugent-Hopkins (42)
Ryan Getzlaf (59)
Alex Edler (62)
Max Pacioretty (79)
Jason Pominville (82)
Kevin Shattenkirk (99)
Jeff Carter (102)
Valtteri Filppula (119)
Damien Brunner (122)
Tomas Fleischmann (139)
Brendan Smith (142)

I have another draft tonight that just became a keeper league and another one on Wednesday (the one with the $50 entry and in which I was handed the worst team you ever saw in your life one year ago).

I posted this for validation of how awesome my picks are, so just leave it below. Thanks. Bye.

And it continues

This is what the backyard looks like as of 9:20 pm. Hardly any of it was there when I got home at 5.

Bruin Banter TV Episode 16

Check out episode 16 of The Beef Bar Bruin Banter TV. Guests include Bruins president Jeff Pierson and ex-Bruin Bruce Firth, who is one of the six people going into the SJHL Hall of Fame in March.

It was good to have Bruce on the show. It's always nice talking to former players and looking into the past. I really had fun writing the story on the inductees this week. I was able to talk to Bruce, Ron Dunville, Ray Frehlick and Mel Pierson, who worked under another inductee, Bill Shinske. I enjoy history, especially sports history, and the Bruins have a ton of it.

Meanwhile, there have been a few sports cancellations due to the weather. The Bruins' game at Battlefords tonight was postponed and will be played Sunday (the Bruins play in Kindersley tomorrow). The ECS senior boys basketball tournament also got the hook. It could be made up in March. The midget AA Bruins' home game against the Notre Dame Hounds tonight was also shelved.

Another new venture

Just when I thought I couldn't possibly have my fingers in any more endeavours on the Internet, here's a second blog.

My other blog, Bruins Banter, will continue to provide Estevan Bruins news courtesy of the Estevan Mercury, the brilliant newspaper for which I toil. This blog will be a mishmash of everything, I guess. A bit of local news, a few good rants and some personal stuff. We'll see.

The upside is this'll probably cut down my Twitter use a bit, which will come as welcome news to pretty much everyone.

902 is the area code for PEI, my homeland, which means my obsession with area codes as a tool to cover up my complete lack of creativity continues.