Everyone has moved on

I am a rock
I am an island

And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries

I wish.

2015 NHL mock draft

I'm attending the NHL draft for the second time in my life this weekend. Just arrived in Fort Lauderdale tonight (Wednesday) and I'm in South Florida till Monday. Planning to squeeze in a day trip to the Bahamas as well.

Unlike the last draft I went to, in LA in 2010, the Leafs have a first rounder - two in fact. And that number may increase before Friday night is over.

Here's my mock draft:

1. Edmonton - Connor McDavid, C
2. Buffalo - Jack Eichel, C
3. Arizona - Noah Hanifin, D
4. Toronto - Dylan Strome, C
5. Carolina - Mitch Marner, RW
6. New Jersey - Ivan Provorov, D
7. Philadelphia - Lawson Crouse, LW
8. Columbus - Zach Werenski, D
9. San Jose - Pavel Zacha, C
10. Colorado - Jakub Zboril, D
11. Florida - Matthew Barzal, C
12. Dallas - Mikko Rantanen, RW
13. Los Angeles - Timo Meier, RW
14. Boston - Paul Bittner, LW
15. Calgary - Kyle Connor, LW
16. Edmonton - Ilya Samsonov, G
17. Winnipeg - Evgeni Svechnikov, RW
18. Ottawa - Travis Konecny, RW
19. Detroit - Jake DeBrusk, LW
20. Minnesota - Jeremy Roy, D
21. Buffalo - Daniel Sprong, RW
22. Washington - Colin White, C
23. Vancouver - Thomas Chabot, D
24. Toronto - Oliver Kylington, D
25. Winnipeg - Gabriel Carlsson, D
26. Montreal - Brandon Carlo, D
27. Anaheim - Jansen Harkins, C
28. Tampa Bay - Noah Juulsen, D
29. Philadelphia - Filip Chlapik, C
30. Arizona - Anthony Beauvillier, LW

Honourable mentions: Denis Guryanov, RW; Nick Merkley, RW; Mackenzie Blackwood, G; Joel Eriksson Ek, C; Brock Boeser, RW; Jacob Larsson, D; Rasmus Andersson, D.

Taking some time off

In January I applied for short-term disability from work, which would allow me to go home for a bit and deal with my depression. My claim was approved and my last day of work was Jan. 20. At this point I don't know how long my leave will last.

I'm driving home, starting tomorrow. It should be a great trip. I'm going through the States and stopping in Columbus for a few days to visit my best friend. I'm doing the trip alone so that should be... interesting. My stops will be in Fargo, Milwaukee, Columbus, Toronto and Quebec City.

None of this would be possible without the support from my workplace. All of my co-workers have been great so a big thanks to them. I know most workplaces wouldn't support someone with a mental illness and wouldn't create an environment where people can feel comfortable speaking up. The Merc is different. I'm grateful for that.

Looks like *someone's* got a case of the Mondays...

Leave me alone, I don't get many chances to start a post with an Office Space reference.

I have indeed had a case of the Mondays lately. Due to the nature of my job, my Mondays are extremely busy and stressful. I always end up working super late. I have a huge workload on Mondays.

Lately I've really been struggling with the stress. I get panicky when I look at all the work I have to do. My mind shuts down and sometimes the guys have to take on some of my work, which I feel terrible about.

I had a lot of anxiety this morning. I felt better than Friday, but still not quite right - still a little low.

For once, I fought through it and finished up at 5 p.m.

Yay me. Now if I could do that on a regular basis.

Fear and self-loathing in...

 

Yeah, this comic pretty much sums it up.

I hate this goddamn illness so much.

A dilemma that comes up too often

Tonight, instead of doing colour for the Bruins-Ice Wolves game like I was supposed to, I'll be on the couch trying to survive an attack from my old friend depression.

I didn't want to go to the game last night either. Today is worse.

Believe me, I feel lower than a snake for not being able to do my job. I missed a game late last year because of depression and now it's happening again.

I face this dilemma a lot. The vast majority of the time I grit my teeth and go. But sometimes, like today, the pain is just too much.

When I'm in the belly of the beast, the very last thing I want to do is be around other people, let alone hundreds of people. I want to stay home and lie in the fetal position until it passes. These attacks do terrible things to me and I've learned that the only thing I can do is ride them out by myself. When I have to cover a game (or go to work), instead of riding it out I have to put on a face and try to stop it from consuming me. People think it helps to be around other people but it doesn't. When episodes strike, I HAVE to be alone.

As a sports reporter, I don't often get that luxury though. Which leads to the internal struggle that happens every time I'm going through a bad day and have to be somewhere. And when I do miss a game I feel horrible. My job is the only thing in my life I feel like I have my shit together on. When my depression messes with that, I feel like even more of a failure than usual.

Another bad day

Hold on

Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown

And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

I am so worthless.

Ghomeshi, Taveras and racist cartoons

It's been quite a news day for a Sunday.

Jian Ghomeshi was turfed by CBC, who let him go by issuing a three-sentence release on a Sunday afternoon. Ghomeshi responded by suing the network for $50 million.

Ghomeshi's statement on his Facebook page is quite something. IF - a big if - he has told the entire truth, CBC is in a pile of trouble. $50 million apparently represents five per cent of their allocation money.

However, my guess is there's something missing. Maybe he mostly told the truth but left stuff out. Maybe he is lying entirely.

No one can form an informed opinion until we hear both sides. We have only heard the woman's side through Ghomeshi. It would be wrong to blindly support him when we don't have the other side.

If any sort of abuse happened here, then CBC obviously made the right call.

But some of the comments about him on twitter are also out of place. I saw one person that called him a "rapey f***". That's mere speculation. We have no idea what happened, and we don't even know what the allegations are yet.

To support one side or the other before the truth comes out makes no sense.

I think it will be a bitter, ugly, public fight.

Edit: There are now nine women claiming Ghomeshi abused them, with two of them allowing their names to be printed. Pretty hard to defend Ghomeshi at this point.

*****************

Later today came the news of the death of Oscar Taveras, and his girlfriend, in a car accident in the Dominican. The 22-year-old Cards outfielder was one of the brightest up-and-comers in the game and came up big in Game 2 of the NLCS.

These things are always hard to take. We can only imagine what he would have achieved in the majors.

Hard not to think that if the Cards had won the NLCS, he'd still be here.

*****************

Meanwhile, the Toronto Sun (who else) ran one of the most hateful political cartoons I think I've ever seen. It depicts mayoral candidate Olivia Chow in a Chairman Mao outfit, with slanted eyes and glasses, literally riding the coattails of Jack Layton's suit.

Needless to say, someone who spent 14 years as a city councillor and eight years as an MP is not riding anyone's coattails. If anyone is riding coattails, it's the Ford brothers.

*****************

In my hockey simulator program (Eastside Hockey Manager) I've begun a new game. It's too easy to win in this game so I've set myself two rules: 

1) The roster has to be made up entirely of players who weren't born in the Big 7 hockey countries (Canada, USA, Russia, Sweden, Finland, Czech Republic, Slovakia). So I'm looking for guys born in Switzerland, Germany, Belarus, Ukraine, Slovenia, etc.

2) I have to build entirely through the draft. No trades or free agent signings. Which means my entire roster is made up of teenagers.

My team won one game in the first year, with a 1-81 record. In the second year, they went winless and pointless. Just started the third season.

The only bright spots so far are Latvian centre Zemgus Girgensons, Swiss goalie Benjamin Conz and Swiss defenceman Nino Bieler.

Last year, the team scored 26 goals all season. 26!! Girgensons led the team in scoring with eight points.

I estimate it will take 37 years to make the playoffs.

Saturday...

It's a gorgeous late October day in Estevan. I can't believe the great weather we've had this late into the fall. Somehow (knock on wood) no snow yet.

Earlier, I went to Woodlawn for the Run the Course fundraiser for the Summer Games, then headed to Westview for the city girls volleyball championship. Checked out Pleasantdale against Sacred Heart. It was a great match that went right down to the wire in all three sets, with Pleasantdale ultimately winning.

Tonight I have the Estevan Motor Speedway awards night as well as a Halloween event at the art gallery. In the meantime, packing for Columbus awaits. I hate packing. Has to be done though. Three days till I leave.

*******************

I've been preparing for the upcoming draft in my hockey sim league. In this simulator, you can tell how good each player will become, so I've been putting players into a spreadsheet to figure out who I want to draft. I've worked through 350 of the 538 players eligible. It's a deep draft, but if I had the first pick (I'll have somewhere between 26 and 30) I'd either take first-ranked right winger Paul Low, or go waaaay off the board and take a risk in left winger Sergei Tsulygin.

I've also been playing season mode in NHL 15 with Minnesota. My lineup:

Parise-Granlund-Pominville

Landeskog-Hertl-Coyle

Zucker-Stoll-Niederreiter

Komarov-Wennberg-Galiardi

Suter-Jones

Josi-Trouba

Larsson-McQuaid

Varlamov

Kuemper

*******************

I'll stop boring you now. Argos play the Ticats in 10 minutes in a huuuuuge game.

Grab bag

It's a Friday night and I'm half watching CBC Newsworld (first Ebola case in NYC) and half preparing for an upcoming draft in my sim hockey league.

A few quick hits...

********************

At 7/11 today after work, I was standing in line when the two Filipino workers behind the counter briefly spoke to each other in their own language. An ignorant clown behind me proceeded to say:

"I take it as an offence when they don't speak English in front of us. We're at war. They could be talking about secrets."

I am going to attempt to list the number of things wrong with this statement.

1) They were FILIPINO workers. Are we at war with the Philippines?

2) We are not at war with anyone, unless you count a few air strikes against ISIS in Iraq.

3) Even if the workers were Arabic Muslims, they are not ISIS members. That would be like saying all Christians are members of the KKK or Westboro Baptist Church. Enough with the guilt by association, which is not really even association at all.

4) Even if the workers WERE somehow ISIS members planted in a convenience store in the middle of the Canadian Prairies, why would they be discussing secrets? What secrets would they be discussing? A suicide bomb attack in the middle of the 7/11 in the 253,284th biggest municipality in Canada?

5) Michael Zehaf-Bibeau had no links to ISIS. He was a 32-year-old loser from Quebec who acted alone.

All you can do is shake your head at the alarming level of ignorance.

********************

There probably weren't a lot of dry eyes along the Highway of Heroes in Ontario today as the body of Cpl. Nathan Cirillo was transported to his hometown of Hamilton. The pictures on Twitter of people on overpasses with Canadian flags were just amazing. We see the best of Canadians in our worst moments.

As more details come out about what exactly happened in the Centre Block on Wednesday, it gets more surreal. Harper in a broom closet. MPs making spears out of flagpoles. Kevin Vickers diving and shooting the gunman like something out of a James Bond movie. Multiple bullet holes in the Hall of Honour and the doors leading to the caucus rooms and Library of Parliament. All of it is so, so crazy to think about.

This was nothing compared to the Boston bombings, but we're seeing the country rise up in the aftermath, just like Boston did. It's a cool thing to witness. Not to mention the gestures from south of the border, including the Pittsburgh Penguins having the Canadian anthem sung before their game against Philly. It's been quite something.

Speaking of which, you can't say enough about the heroism of the people who tried to save Cirillo's life. They didn't know if there was a second shooter. They didn't know anything. They just ran toward the gunfire to help. The story of the lawyer who told him how much his family loved him is a real tearjerker.

Not to assign blame in the midst of all this, but I'm still amazed by how easily the gunman got in. Not so much that he ran into the Centre Block with a rifle, but he had just discharged it three times, no more than 300 yards away. Didn't people hear it? Didn't anyone see him run from there, steal a car and run up onto the lawn on the Hill? There was no police movement until he stole the ministerial car at the East Block.

Finally, can we stop with the "Canada will never be the same" stuff? We weren't innocent before this. And things are already much back to the same, except for Cirillo's family.

********************

In four days, I leave for Columbus, Ohio to see my two best friends in the world. Also going to see the Blue Jackets play the Leafs on Halloween. I've been counting down the days. Can't wait. The three of us don't get together often (last time was a road trip from Toronto to PEI last summer). I also haven't seen my best friend's baby yet (born in December). It's going to be legendary.